I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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