just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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