Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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