It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found the puke drawer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
