hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
