I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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