guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
