Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
