I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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