i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize