i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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