Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
