there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
