ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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