when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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