My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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