Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
