Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
