so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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