She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.