I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
