Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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