Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
about cumming, not toast
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol