Are we in a gay sports bar?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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