i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
