he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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