census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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