i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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