I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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