saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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