You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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