Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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