she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were trust falling into bushes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
