I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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