I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
