I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
