i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
