I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
