Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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