a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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