Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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