Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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