And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
