I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
