Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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