Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
