I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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