I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
