Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
