I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
