Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are we still banned from the library?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize