come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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