I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
