She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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