Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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