My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
