There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
