i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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