So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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