Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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