i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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