my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
