Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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