I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
