Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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