Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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