So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
BRING THE BAGELS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
