The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
